The one thing they can’t teach you or prepare you for in any training is how to deal with the heartbreak that comes with fostering a child who is placed in your home.
Reunification is and should always be the goal of a child in foster care, when it’s safe to do so. We know that children will always do best when with their biological parents/family.
Sometimes it’s hard to wrap your head around that last statement! How is it that a child does better with parents that have temporarily lost their rights to have their children live with them. Easy answer, it’s their parents. It’s all they have ever known and for most children the life they are living is normal.
Biology is who we are, where we come from, where our connection is, it defines us. We carry attributes of the people we are connected to biologically. Our features, our mannerisms, the way we walk, the way we talk. We are connected to that. And when we are torn from that, we loose a sence of who we are supposed to be. And while there is belief that a foster home may be what’s best for children who are being abused and neglected we also have to remember that this is just another layer of trauma, no matter how “better” your home may be then the one that they were moved from.
It’s hard to care for and love a child who has come from hard places and to remember that supporting reunification, when it’s safe, is what is in the best interest of that child. It’s import to support and build up those children’s parents, and support the family unit, because we see on a daily basis what these children have gone through, we see the pain and fear in some of their eyes, we see the sadness flow out of them in anger and tantrums, we see them break everytime we have to take them for a visit and them remove them from their parents arms over and over. It’s hard work!! It’s heartbreaking. These children do better when they see a United front, everyone on the same page and for them to see you caring about their parent also helps them to know that they are safe. When these parents fight and do the hard work and feel support it can also be so healing for everyone. Reunification is not always a goodbye, when done right, you can become a forever support, even an extended family.
Children leaving our homes after being with us for so long is hard, It’s traumatic, it’s sad. But with every heartbreak, I’ve become a stronger person. I’ve learned another lesson and I’ve grown so much.
This is also where your supports that I talked about before come in. Lean on them, talk to them, cry with them and heal with them.
If your heart doesn’t break, you’re doing it wrong.
Fostering.... The Life 