6

Our first child in foster care came to stay with us July 7, 2011, just a few weeks before our 1 year anniversary of becoming a licensed foster home.

We were on our yearly camping vacation to Mackinaw City when we got the call. This 3 year old little boy had seen many disruptions in placements before he came to us. My heart really hurt for him. They told us he was busy, and that he had epilepsy, but it was managed with medication. They didn’t have enough much more information to give us at that time. We told them that we would love to give him a home but we couldn’t do it until we were back from vacation. They were desperate to find him a home and asked if we thought our secondary care giver would be able to pick him up and have him stay there until we got back. It was only going to be overnight. We called my mother in law and she was happy to go get him.

When we got home we went to pick him up, he was just this little human standing there waiting to be loved on. My wife introduced herself to him and asked him what his name was, he looked at her and said “6.”

The first couple days with 6 were pretty fun getting to know him, but the first thing we noticed is that he had absolutely no idea how to play with toys, he just sat on our floor with some cars and stared at them. Then when nap time came he became very triggered. He would throw himself around so much that we were afraid he would fall off the bed and hurt himself, we had to move the mattress to the floor. One day during bed time he asked my wife to hold his hand, she did and she had to till he fell asleep and this turned into every night and at nap time.

I had to sleep on the couch, because we weren’t sure if he would come out of his room and get into things. He would wake up and come out and kiss my face and say “goo mornin”, it was the sweetest thing. We then would do breakfast, meds and get ready for the day. It wouldn’t be long after his meds that we stated noticing that there would be an abrupt behavior change. He would get angry and throw fits and not communicate as well.

I made an appointment with his neurologist, I explained what we had been noticing in hopes we could get a medication change. That visit was a joke, they didn’t want to listen to our concerns and stated they didn’t want to change his medication because they had not seen him for his normal visits since being prescribed the medication and they wanted to see how they were working now that they would be seeing him regularly. They sent us home and we were stuck were we started.

One day while my wife was doing some running around, she stopped at a home that was having a rummage sale. Her and 6 got out of the car and a lady came out of the house, she asked if we were 6s foster parents, she had stated that he was previously placed in her home and that she had been the 5th home he had been in. That’s when we learned we were the 6th home he had been in, in less then 6 months.

We had talked a lot about what we could give 6 and if we were what was in his best interest. At this point we had not even heard about trauma training or any other kind of training we could have had to help him. This was our first placement and we probably should have never even been asked to take a placement with such high needs.

We got information that 6s father wanted placement of him, he actually had legal custody of him, but had to set up housing in the state he moved to before he took him, so his father left him with his mother and that when we ends up in Foster Care. We had by the time we received this information decided to put in a notice to have him moved. When I heard his father wanted him to come home with him I started making calls to the GAL and the fathers lawyer and the case worker, I asked if there was a way I could speak in court to the judge, 6s GAL said she would look into it. At court I was called to the stand. I did the only thing that I knew was in 6s best interest. I told the judge I felt it would be harmful to move 6 yet again to another foster home when his father so desperately wanted him home. I explained that we were his 6th placement and that moving him again to strangers would only cause more problems for him.

I held my breath while the hearing continued, everyone said the things they had to say and at the end, the judge ordered 6 to be placed with his father. I was so happy for him. He was going home. We were asked to keep him for a few more days to give his dad time to get to Michigan to get him and on August 29, 2011 6 and his 2 sisters went home to their dads.

We got to meet 6s father and 2 siblings, we wrote out a diary of sorts of all the things we learned that 6 liked, the foods he had become found of, of the stuff he hated, our routine that seemed to work well for him. We wanted this transition to be easy for his father and for him. Unfortunately his father wanted nothing to do with what we had done for him, he ignored us and didn’t say much. But that’s part of what we do as foster parents. We do our best to make transitions smooth, and after it’s all said and done we can hope that some of what we brought will be utilized and the children we cared for will be better off for it.